Smile Through It II: The Next Chapter

Chasing dreams, because I can

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Easter. Tired.

Posted by Oli on Monday 9th April, 2007

Traditionally, for my family at least, Easter has been a family-focused time – a chance for the four of us (plus significant others) to get back together for a weekend and catch up. Since I’ve moved out of home, it’s always been a weekend I’ve returned to Mum and Dad’s for the large majority of to sit and talk and eat and drink.

This year was, by necessity, pretty different, able as I am to manage no more than a few hours of doing anything other than sitting quietly on a sofa or in bed. It’s been pretty tough to have to force myself to ignore my instincts and natural predisposition to surround myself with family and instead make sure that I conserve the little eenergy I have into doing the most important parts of the weekend.

Those were, by turns, a family photoshoot (it having been nearly a decade since the last one and Mum was obviously getting itchy for some new smileys on her wall), a family dinner on Saturday evening to celebrate Easter an my bro’s passing his Commando course, then Easter Sunday spreading our time between our two family’s respectively, spending an hour or so with each trying to avoid exhausting myself.

I can’t say it’s been my best Easter – being limited to only doing what you can manage without making your chest scream at you is hardly a resounding indicator of a brilliant time for all, but I think we’ve managed to make the best of a bad lot and enjoy what we could of the weekend. And after all, time spent with loved ones should always be about quality not quantity – right?

Today has been a different story all together. I was pretty tired last night – a step up from exhausted but still struggling – and hit the sack pretty early, only to be woken after a couple of hours feeling tight and breathless and having to haul myself out of bed to do some physio and nebs.

What annoyed me more than anything, though, was that the whole thing woke me up and kept me up until gone half past three in the morning. By the time I finally fell asleep at 4am, I had just 2 hours till my alarm to get up and do my drugs, after which I managed little more than a fitful 30-40 minutes here and there until I finally gave up and got up just before 12.

As a result, I’ve spent the whole day completely wiped out and unable to consider doing anything at all, really. Mostly, I’ve been lying in bed and trying to relax and not focus on how completely shattered I am. I’ve not really succeeded, though.

My mind is pretty blank right now, if I’m honest – I’m struggling to find any words to string together today, mostly because I think all my cogniscent thoughts have migrated to sunnier climbs where sleep comes in glorious 8-hour stretches without interruption and leaves you feeling fresh, bright and alert.

Right now, I’m none of those things.


5 Responses to “Easter. Tired.”

  1. Jacqui said

    Hey Oli, Am just catching up with your blog after a few days away. Wishing you some peace and rest which will hopefully make way to some easier times. Thinking of you. xx

  2. Jac said

    Sorry to hear things are so tough, but I hope you are moving in an upwards direction now. Thanks for the comment on my blog – I will be sure and tell the film crew I know you (and hopefully not get any ‘crazy girl’ looks from them!)


  3. Nicola said

    Hi Oli,I just wanted to send some positive wishes your way.It’s seems like a bit of a bumpy ride for you at the moment.Here’s hoping things will start to improve soon.

    Take Care

  4. Fi said

    Hi Oli, I really do hope you are starting to turn a corner and feel better by now.

    I have been thinking about you over the last few days and your frustration at not being able to do all the things you want to do for as long as you want.

    You know what struck me? Is that over Easter you WERE able to do things, albeit not for a long as you wanted and not without feeling exhausted at the end of it, but you DID do things that are important to you.

    I know it’s easy for me to say as I have no real idea of how difficult it is for you, but in the few times I have met and spoken to you, you always seem to be able to turn hard times into a positive and I hope you can do the same now. Try to enjoy the times your are with your folks and friends, you said it yourself, it’s quality, not quantity that counts.

    Sorry if this offends, it’s not meant to, I just know your usual positive self is lurking there somewhere just waiting to get back to the fore front.

    Much love as always to you.

  5. Katie said

    Hi Oli

    Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Hope you are doing okay.


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